I have come to the conclusion that our society is one of absolute hypocrisy and denigration. People love to feel superior to someone-anyone- and at the expense of that person, just so they can feel good about themselves. I have realized this as I have searched for a means of steady income for my family and me. Most concerning to me is how far behind I am in child support. God knows, I don't want to be behind, but its hard to send up $120 per week when I don't have $10 coming in. Add to that that EVERYTHING is so expensive nowadays....I have set up a delicate house of cards just trying to keep our money affairs in order, but I feel as if I'm crossing the Atlantic with an elephant tied to my ankles.
What is it that people have against giving someone a chance!!! As soon as a higher up found out about my record, bye-bye 3rd shift job. You know what, I was a pretty damned good Account Executive before I spent a year in jail. I'm still a hard worker now. Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to be offered THREE positions, only to have them rescinded because of my background check. And those are just within the last 3 weeks!!! I lost count of all the offers rescinded since I've been down here. I CAN'T EVEN GET A JOB AS MALL SECURITY, FOR CHRISTS SAKE!!!! God gives us a cross no heavier than that which we can bear, but I feel my back breaking under this terrible weight.
You want to know how desperate I am for a steady paycheck? I actually went to speak to a recruiter about going back into the military! I figured at worst, I get K.I.A. and I die a hero, fighting for my country. K**** wouldn't be able to say crap bad about me then! Her dad is a vet, and military always sticks up for one another.
This is stupid. I need to work. I need a stable income so I can go in front of the judge and try and have my son for the summer. I miss you Christien.
Goodnight
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
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