Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Entry for September 20, 2005

Well, its not that easy to keep up on this.  there are so many things that have happened, and I haven't been able to report on it.  I'm writing this now as I prepare to fly north tommorrow to fight for my son.  You know what's funny, her SOLE motivation is money and revenge; the more time that goes by, the more I become convinced she really doesn't care about our son as much as she says.  Or else, why would we have to keep going through this?  Anyway, I digress.  It's costing me more thatn $300.00 to go up for this date.  That's money I could've used to pay down some of my arrears.  I'm going up there with cash in hand to pay some of it as it is, but I would have rather done an on-line transfer for what I'm going with plus the $300.00.  I'm honestly worried that she has some sort of trap set up for me up there.  I know I sound I paranoid, but I can't help but feel this way after I lost a whole year of my life due to one of her lies.  A lie such as the one I'm flying up to defend myself against now.  My God, I just want to know when this will all end.
I had a wierd feeling come over me when I was in church on Sunday.  It was a sense of profound sadness or loss/grief, yet at the same time, I felt comforted.  No, I'm not going to start espousing the virtues of God or church.  Let's just say, I know He's been there for me, and I love Him for it.  Anyways, it's almost as if I had had some insight into Thursday.  I hope my feeling was wrong, however, all I can do is put it in His hands and trust His judgement.  Christien, I love and miss you, papi.  One day, you'll see your daddy and brother again.  Until then, know I haven't forgotten about you.  I love you son.

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