So I'm driving home from dropping off some movies at blockbuster the other, and Edwyn McCain's "I'll Be" comes on. Even though I have just pulled into the driveway, I stay in the car until the song is over. Why is it that certain songs have that effect on you. No matter what, when, or where, the second one of "those" songs come on, you have to stop. "I'll Be " has no particular sentimental value to me; I just have to stop when it comes on. Lately, any song I hear makes me think of either Christien, or of something having to do with my family. Look, I'm going to be honest, my original intent of starting this was to have a record for Christien to look back on. I don't know when or if I'll be allowed to be a part of his life again, but I'm hoping one day he'll see this and know his father really did love him and wanted to be there for him. I'm down in NC now because I thought this would be the only way I could be sure of protecting myself and my family. I honestly believed the courts would put maintaining a relationship between a father and his son above any petty squabbles between "adults". I guess I was wrong.
Here are some sobering stats I found on a website devoted to helping fathers regain their parental rights:
"Steve Farrar provides more stats in his book Anchor Man:
85 percent of all children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes.
90 percent of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes.
71 percent of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes.
75 percent of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes.
63 percent of youth suicides are from fatherless homes.
70 percent of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes.
85 percent of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in fatherless homes.
80 percent of rapists come from fatherless homes."
I googled Fathers for equal rights which led me to the site where I got this. Unfortunately, I did not save the web address because it was basically a guy trying to get desperate fathers' money. Two thoughts arose out of the Google search:
1. one result was from NOW-t he National Organization for Women- warning women that some of these fathers'-rights organizations are being deceptive and manipulative, and just trying to screw the women out of child support. They essentially say that courts are NOT biased against fathers and that joint custody only works if both parents agree to it. Well, NOW, here is your counterpoint! Here is a father who wants to be a part of his son's life, but isn't being allowed to because of HER deceptions. The court record is riddled with her lies and contradictions, yet when I try to point them out, and provide proof, they don't want to hear about it. She has denied me my visits for several MONTHS at a time, without court approval, and then claims hardship with child support whenever things start going in my favor.
You know what, if he is such a financial burden to her, then why can't I have him. Here is my offer-in writing: Let me have custody of Christien. In exchange, I waive all rights to ONE SINGLE PENNY OF CHILD SUPPORT. In addition, she can have full unencumbered access to him when she wishes. If she wants to call and speak with him, she can, if she wants to have a visit with him she can. I would never deny her access to him. after all, A CHILD NEEDS BOTH THEIR MOTHER AND THEIR FATHERS IN THEIR LIFE. I firmly believe that.
By the way, I think NOW is a very worthwhile organization. I may not agree with all of their positions, but that doesn't mean I disapprove of the group. I will gladly discuss this matter with any member of NOW who wishes to contact me.
2. #1 was so long winded, I'm going to try and keep #2 short. For all those who seek personal gain from other people's misery-Ala that website I had mentioned earlier- How dare you?! I'm sorry. I may be a little jaded here because of so many scams I've seen or heard of. I really don't know if that site is worthwhile or not, but the fact it talked about ways of getting around child support makes me wonder about the source. If the webmaster does provide a good service that really helps those who needs it, I'm sorry for misjudging you. But for all you who are in it solely for the money, who are taking advantage of people who need help, and who don't give a damn about no one but themselves, they should have a special spot in hell for your kind. Look, I'm no angel, but I have enough of a heart to know that you should try and help your fellow man.
This post is way too long. I'm going to go. I will, post my history so you can have a full, unbiased opinion of me as you read this. I will try to get it done this weekend. Thank you for visiting me today.
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dear carlos,
ReplyDeletefirst let me say how sorry i am for ur plight. it definately cant be easy, and i can see that this has been going on now for some time. just remember that God rewards those who r patient. it is very psychologically helpful in keeping it together in hard times to know this.
the statistics r staggering but not surprising. God puts ALOT of emphasise on the family, that is why certain things within my religion r punished harshly. when u look at the statistics it helps to see why. while some people may feel its ok to have sex outside of marriage or to commit adultery, as they r no longer seen as the big sin they once used to be in the west, the statistics tell another story. look at how the children suffer.
"Steve Farrar provides more stats in his book Anchor Man:
85 percent of all children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes.
90 percent of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes.
71 percent of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes.
75 percent of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes.
63 percent of youth suicides are from fatherless homes.
70 percent of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes.
85 percent of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in fatherless homes.
80 percent of rapists come from fatherless homes."
of course it has taken decades for the impact to be noted, but if people would have listened to the Creator, the All Knowing, in the first place, we wouldnt be seeing such high statistics. the Creator created us, He knows what is good or bad for us, but people with pride think they know more, and govern by the laws of man, then u have the results that we find today in the world, and not only the statistics above, but many others.
I pray that u r reunited with ur son soon. i think ur blog diary to him is a great idea. it is a documentation that he can read when he finally has access to u.
take care
shades of colours