Entry for June 18, 2006

This article appeared in the Providence Joural, written by Mark Patinkin.  It reflect Father's Day pefectly.  Enjoy:

Mark Patinkin: Dads get short shrift on Father's Day

01:00 AM EDT on Thursday, June 15, 2006

I've long suspected that people don't care as much about Father's Day as Mother's Day and this proves it.

There was a telling article on an encyclopedia Web site called Answers.com. It called Father's Day "the other parent's day," and laid out some revealing statistics.

In 2005, the National Retail Federation says Americans spent $11.2 billion on gifts for their mothers. They only spent $8.2 billion on gifts for their fathers. This means the public deems moms almost 30 percent more important than dads.

I heard one woman say the real reason for the spending difference is that tons of fathers have flown the coop. I take this analysis as proof that we get no respect.

Here's more proof: The article quoted store clerks saying there is far more last-minute shopping for Father's Day than Mother's Day. I'm picturing people rushing to CVS thinking impatiently, "I guess we have to throw the old dog a bone."

I was watching the movie The Break-up when a character touched on a major truth. He was asked what holidays there were between May and July 4th.

"Well, there's Memorial Day," he said. "There's Flag Day." And then: "Some people recognize Father's Day as a holiday. I don't."

Here's my favorite statistic in the article. It said there's only one area of commerce that goes up significantly on Father's Day.

Collect calls.

You wouldn't do that to your mom. But dads are expected to pay for everything, including gifts for themselves.

Chris Rock, the comedian, has a great riff about this. "Nobody cares about daddy," he says. He talks of how mom gets at least a little gratitude for making dinners and keeping the house. But nobody ever says, "Daddy, thanks for paying for these lights so I can read." Or for the heat. Or the phones.

I got an e-mail the other day with still more proof that people don't take our day seriously.

"Father's Day Vasectomy Study," said the subject line.

It was sent by a Web site called CDPoker.com, which surveyed 5,000 people asking, "Which celebrity do you think needs a vasectomy the most?"

The top votes were Kevin Federline, Tom Cruise, Bobby Brown and Michael Jackson.

No one would dare ask a comparable question about moms on their day. But dads are fair game.

A big part of the problem is nobody knows what to buy a father.

Usually, we get a tie with our hobby on it. There must be entire factories in China that do nothing but print images of golf clubs and fishing rods on fabric. I know one dad who got two cordless drills from his family on separate Father's Days. He rarely uses a drill, but every ad says that's what you should buy dad, so he's stuck with them.

I clicked onto Amazon.com, which trumpeted a list of the "perfect" last-minute Father's Day gifts.

One idea was a Weber grill. Typical. If you bought an ironing board for mom on Mother's Day it would be an insult, but it's fine to buy dad a chore-related item.

Other Father's Day ideas on the site included a Mr. Bar-B-Q cast-ron wok, a mini Go-Anywhere charcoal grill, a Sanyo indoor electric grill and a Smokey Mountain cast-iron cooker-smoker. There was even something called, "The original Grillslinger BBQ toolbelt."

I guess everyone's idea of honoring dads on their day is having them put on an apron and cook.

The only other idea that jumped out was a money clip in the shape of a dollar sign. This "gift," I suppose, is so everyone in the family knows where to find our cash when they need it.

Personally, I've had it. This year, I say it's time for dads to stand up and demand respect.

I'm even willing to take the lead.

Come Sunday, I plan to make a bold statement about Father's Day to anyone who asks.

How do you want your steak?